Day With My Younger Brother
by gallifrey calls now
Summary: Naruto suddenly decides to give Konohamaru an older brother. Sasuke is the unlucky victim, Sakura is on Naruto's side, and Kisame is very amused. No Yaoi. AU.


**Day With My Younger Brother**

Sasuke was walking towards his apartment, when an orange blur knocked into him.

"Ah! Sasuke-teme!" Naruto yelled, attracting the attention of the civilians and tall, dressed in black cloaks with red clouds ninjas as well. "Just the one I needed!" Naruto pushed a mortified Konohamaru in Sasuke's arms. "You'll be the perfect older brother!"

"Uh… Sorry?" Sasuke asked confusedly.

Naruto laughed. "Silly. You said you had a brother, right? And Konohamaru needs sibling support right now, right? You'll be the perfect adoptive brother for him!"

Sasuke blinked, horrified. "No. You got your facts wrong. I have an _older _brother. Not a _younger_—"

"Details, details," Naruto waved his hand dismissively. "But even so, you'll get to see how he felt when he had an annoying younger brother on his tail!"

Both Konohamaru and Sasuke protested that they weren't annoying.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Right. So, have fun! Oh, Sakura and I'll be tailing you, so don't kill him!"

Then Naruto disappeared.

Sasuke stared open-mouthed in disbelief at the spot where Naruto disappeared from – not noticing the blue-skinned missing nin laughing and his partner looking sorry for Sasuke – then slowly turned his head to glare at Konohamaru, who was still in his arms.

"Don't kill me," Konohamaru said in a squeaky voice.

When Sasuke put him down, he felt a poke. When he turned around, he saw Sakura.

"Sasuke-kun!" she said cheerfully. "How are you – um…hi…"

Konohamaru looked even more frightened at the mere sight of Sakura.

"Was this your idea?" Sasuke demanded.

"No. Yes. No. No. Definitely not," Sakura said.

"Really?"

"Fine it was my idea," Sakura said. "Don't kill me?"

Sasuke huffed. "This is stupid."

"Sorry," Sakura apologized. "I needed revenge against Konohamaru and you were the perfect person to be a terrifying older brother. Plus, you have red eyes."

"It's called Sharingan," Sasuke said, annoyed.

"Details, details," Sakura said, not unlike Naruto. "They're still red."

"They're currently black."

"Again, details. You can always turn them red."

"No thanks," Sasuke said coolly. Then he said, "Do I really have to play older brother?"

Sakura shrugged. "Naruto's behind that bush, ready to kick your ass, so yeah, you have to."

"But I don't want to be an older brother!"

"Suit yourself," Sakura said, shrugging again. "As Naruto said, it'll be good to see how you annoyed the hell out of YOUR brother."

Sasuke glared at her. "I hate you," he declared. "And my older brother too," he added, as a result of an afterthought.

Sakura didn't look sorry. "Well, good luck! Oh… and you might want to find Konohamaru first."

Sasuke looked around to see that the boy disappeared. "God dammit!"

Kisame laughed. "Since the Kyuubi and the girl will be tailing him, I guess we should see how this turns out, right?"

Itachi didn't answer.

Kisame took that for a yes.

...

"Here, Kitty—uh, Konohamaru…" Sasuke called.

"I'm not a cat," grumbled Konohamaru. "I'm a sad and lonely kid trying to escape death reincarnated."

"Shut up," Sasuke said. Suddenly, a few flashbacks commenced. After a few seconds, Sasuke awkwardly started whistling whilst rocking back and forth.

"What?" Konohamaru demanded.

"Nothing."

"Will you teach me the shuriken jutsu?"

Sasuke blinked. This -

_Now I have to remember what Itachi said back then. I'll be an awful older brother_.

Sasuke cackled.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I have a mission."

"No he doesn't!" a bush yelled.

"Shut up, Naruto," Sasuke sighed. "Yes I do."

"No he doesn't!" shouted another.

"Sakura!" Sasuke sighed in exasperation. "Fine I don't!"

"Then…?"

"I… have training to do."

Silence from the bushes. Sasuke was about to launch into a grin, when –

"Train with me."

Sasuke felt like pulling his hair out.

And then he had another flashback…

So his next answer was –

_Poke poke._

"OW!" Konohamaru yelled. "What was that for?"

Behind them, in another bush, Itachi was nearly crying. _Foolish brother… you did not forget._

"I don't like you," Konohamaru said bluntly.

"Brothers are supposed to hate each other," Sasuke shrugged. "I remember my own brother giving me that speech. And… I hate him now. Horribly. You should hate me."

Konohamaru's eyes twinkled. "I have another brother?"

"Yes," Sasuke nodded. Then he paused. "Did I just agree you were my brother?"

"You totally did."

Sasuke blinked. "Anyway. He's 18."

"Where is he?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Don't know, don't care. He's a missing nin."

Konohamaru pouted. "No fair. I'm stuck with Emo Duck Butt."

Sasuke blinked and slowly started, "Pardon?"

"That's right, Emo."

Sasuke closed his eyes and hoped it was just a bad dream. "Never mind."

"I want ice cream!"

"Oh god…"

...

"One vanilla scoop… um… one caramel and one mint with chocolate chips!" Konohamaru ordered.

"You?" the guy serving asked.

"I don't eat sweets," Sasuke said. "How much?"

"."

Sasuke stared. "How much? That much? That's it, Konohamaru, I'm not buying this."

Konohamaru scowled. "But-"

"No," Sasuke said firmly. "I'd rather let Naruto buy ramen with these money."

"But-"

"I. Am. Not. Buying."

"… I hate you."

"So do I, Konohamaru, so do I."

...

"Ooh! Ooh! Pretty shiny shuriken!" Konohamaru squealed.

"Careful, you could-"

"OW!"

"-cut yourself…"

"YOU EVIL SHURIKEN! I'M GOING TO SENBON!"

"Konohamaru… those are coated in poisons… don't open them…"

"Ah… Sasuke?"

"Yes?"

"Let's go to the hospital. I think I poisoned myself."

Face-palm.

"I was NOT that annoying when I was younger…"

...

"Be careful next time!" the nurse said, gaping at Sasuke's beauty.

Sasuke scowled. "That's it, Konohamaru. I am going to ask Iruka for a mission, whether it's a A-rank or a D-rank! Anything!"

...

"Well, Tora the cat escaped again," Iruka offered.

"Never mind."

...

"What happened with the mission?" Konohamaru asked.

"I would rather not spent my time catching a rabid cat," Sasuke confessed, unaware to not two, but FOUR listeners.

Once again, Itachi and Kisame were listening unashamedly.

Konohamaru didn't seem upset. "Great! That means we can go to-"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"You're evil."

"It's in my blood."

"You're sarcastic today, aren't you?"

"Yes."

Konohamaru scowled. "At least one last thing before I leave you alone."

That piqued Sasuke's interest. "Oh?"

"Get me to the civilian festival."

"I can do that."

"Great!"

...

After a few hours, the sun set and Konohamaru was skipping away happily, having spent the very last of Sasuke's money. (which was quite a lot.)

Then, Sakura and Naruto appeared. Sasuke seemed a bit pale.

"Uh, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura waved a hand in front of Sasuke's face.

"Eh?"

"Are you okay?"

Sasuke blinked sleepily. "I am NEVER going to be an older brother again. NEVER, EVER AGAIN. It's Itachi's job."

"But… are you okay?" Naruto asked as Sasuke swayed on his feet.

"Pretty birds," he muttered before collapsing. Naruto and Sakura quickly scrambled to get him.

...

"You're the kid's brother?" Kisame asked incredously.

"Yes." Itachi didn't even blink.

"Wow."

**Stupid little oneshot, I know. But I liked the idea, and I hope you enjoyed it too. I hope it made you laugh.**

**Review please! I may have a sequel if you do!**

**:D**


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